I read an article online earlier about the 8 thing women don't do anymore. It contained things like cooking, cleaning, fixing his plate, giving compliments, etc... And the comments from the men were all in agreement. Talking about the quality of the women today and how we need to be focused on those things and getting back to the old fashioned standards, back to the traditional responsibilities and attributes. Usually, these type of articles and comments don't bother me. I mean, it's an article written based on some one's life experiences or opinions or whatever and should be read for entertainment or educational purposes. If it applies to you and you want to change it, fine. If it doesn't apply to you, move on and be fine. It's just an article. But this particular one touched me in a weird way.
As background, I will give a little peek into how I was raised. My father was the breadwinner in my family, although my mother worked for a number of years. But my mother ran the household; paid the bills, cooked everyday, made my father's plate, washed and ironed his clothes, cleaned the house, EVERYTHING. My dad didn't even know where the iron was because he never had to iron a shirt. She was that traditional wife that the article talked about. So I understand the guys talking about wanting this kind of woman as a wife. Hell, I do too. LOL. But there is an underlying piece....my Daddy. As I mentioned before, he was the breadwinner. My mother worked, when she did, because she chose to, not because she had to. There were several years where she did not work : ). My father spoiled my mother....and I mean spoiled. The only thing he ever really said no to her about was a pond and a dog. Everything else was, let me work on it. Her dream house: done. Her Cadillac: done. Her wardrobe: banging.
So in my traditional value mindset, that's how it works. Of course you take care of your husband. You make sure he looks good, has something on his stomach, make sure he has a nice clean place to come home to and represent him well in public. YES!!! That needs to happen. In return, your husband protects and provides for you in a loving way. So I agree with the article, women should "return" to this traditional mindset. But here is what got me with the article, it didn't really explore the reasons WHY this change in culture had occurred or how men seek these qualities in women.
Here are a few reasons why I think this has occurred.....key word being THINK.........LOL
1. Fatherless daughters - there are a good number of women who didn't grow up with both father and mother in the household. They didn't constantly see an interaction between a man and woman in love. So the "training" for how to treat your husband was not there. In even worse cases, there was never a constant male figure in their life to positively look up to in a relationship with their mother.
2. Women in workforce/Income potential - women work just as many hours and contribute the same amount of income to the household as men do now. So the time devoted and energy to household chores has been cut. Because those traditions have changed and responsibility has been shared, it has become natural to anticipate that the household duties become shared as well. Sidenote: kids are much more busy today than we were so after going to the job working more than 40 hrs. a week, transporting kids to and fro, there just isn't the time in the day to cook and clean before the man gets home.
3. Play Marriage/No Title - we are entering "situationships" more and more so women are constantly confused as to the "privileges" the man gets.....sticky situations. Why should she cook, clean and dote on him when he's not showing they have a future together.....why not save that energy and effort for some one else???
4. Overly Metro-sexual men - the traditional expectation/perception of the man/husband is strong, hard-working, handy, not afraid to get his hands dirty, etc....we have a traditional "want" from our men as well. We want some one to cut the grass, take out the garbage, take care of the car and fix stuff in the house. But there have been an influx of men who don't value these traditions. They don't feel a need to take care of the woman in this way. There also have been an influx of men who are into fashion, beauty care treatments, and looking good as much as women. Not saying that there is anything wrong with a man taking pride in his appearance, but it honestly puts more pressure on the woman. The typical man notices when she puts effort into looking good, but the truly metro-sexual man will notice if she doesn't have the cutest shoes on, or hair isn't quite laid, or not all the way put together. So since he's not the traditional man, she doesn't feel she has to be the traditional woman.
5. Men don't have to Seek - outer appearance is understandably the first attraction a man has towards a woman......is he attracted to what he sees? Then comes all the intangibles. But the game has changed. It has become ok for women to approach and pursue men.....quite different from the traditional woman we hear about. And if she's a pretty and nice girl, sure...why not? He already knows she like him, so the fear of rejection isn't there. And who wouldn't be flattered by an attractive girl approaching you? The only issue is, the self selecting was done for him. He didn't seek out his ideal woman, one was appointed to him. So the skills, context clues, etc. of finding and attracting the "traditional" woman has not been done. I'm not saying a woman that approaches a man is not going to cook and clean and dote, but she's probably far from the traditional. And it's nothing wrong with that. He just can't blame a non traditional woman for not having traditional values.
We just have to be cognizant of a simple fact: You REALLY can't want your cake, eat it too AND expect not to gain weight or have to work out. There HAS to be some compromise and work put in, or it won't balance. From my perspective, if he wants that traditional woman who does the 8 things from the list, he has to bring some value to the table as well........for the right man, a LOT of non-traditional women will do some traditional things : ) I have seen it numerous times. So just because she doesn't start off a certain way, talk sweet to her, get her car washed and tires checked, send her a thinking of you text and watch how she whips up that favorite meal : )
And just because you were wondering, I love to cook but don't do it everyday, Find it difficult to just cook for me. Never felt a strong desire to consistently cook for a man, but it's something I'm committed to working on. I'm a clean person, but messy. As in, kitchen and bathroom will be sparkling but clothes will be strewn on bed. But Molly Maid keeps a mean house and is the best $90 a month I spend : ) I don't curse very much at all, I work out at least a couple of times every week, I like to dress up but also have a slum side......sometimes I just can't get it together. I think I'm just ok with the compliments - could definitely acknowledge more. I'm pretty good with anticipating needs and am super thoughtful.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Advice to my Younger Self
This past weekend I had the experience of travelling to NY with a great group of ladies and had a blast!! From breathing the same air as Denzel as I watched him perform in "A Raisin in the Sun", to going thru the most thorough security check EVER in life to being accosted by a he/she, I have stories to TELL! But that's for another blog.
Today I want to talk about a conversation I had with the ladies this weekend. The trip was organized by a friend of mine who wanted to take her college-aged niece to NY for her first time and surround her with professional mid thirties to early forties women. At dinner one night, she asked us what would be our one piece of advice we would give to her niece as she embarks upon real womanhood and the adult working world. What things do we wish we would have known then, which is what inspires this blog post today. What advice would I have given 22 yr old Drea Nicole? After careful thought and consideration, here is my list:
1. Never tell your family how much or how little money you make; only leads to problems. From folks wanting to borrow money because "you got it" or folks commenting on the price of things YOU own, or, my all time favorite, folks just expecting you to contribute or do certain things that have NOTHING to do with you, to folks wondering why you paid so much for college only to do this........ The canned responses are "I'm comfortable" "I do alright" or "I can pay all my bills and have a little left over for me" This will save you a lot of uncomfortable conversations in the future. Sidenote: you get everything from Target on SALE
2. A year is a SHORT amount of time, don't worry about wasting it; I know that doesn't sound like you, but at 22 and 23 yrs old, its SOOOO true. And I don't mean to be lazy and unfocused and do NOTHING, but it's ok if you are not sure about something - you can give it a try for a yr. and if it doesn't work out, try something else. Or go on that risky endeavour for a year to see what happens. Do a mission trip if you desire, try acting on Broadway, move to Chicago cause you've always loved it, do it all. These are the things you can do young, because it's a completely different story at 30. And staying in that profession or company that you knew was a wrong fit at age 24, becomes WAAAY more complicated to leave at 33. It can be done, but there's so much more to consider by then
3. You don't know everything, and no one expects you to - you don't have to be perfect the first day on the job, and you don't have to pretend you understand completely when you don't have a clue. Ask questions, admit when you've made a mistake and ask for feedback on how to improve. Even more, you don't have to be combative or loud to prove you are right. Strategically communicate your ideas and evidence and it will be heard. It may take some time, but with consistency and persistence, it WILL be heard
4. Embrace living by yourself - You have no clue who you are yet. You always thought you were neat, turns out you were just considerate. You kept your place neat because you lived with others. You will learn SOOOO much about yourself that you never realized. You are scared to sleep in house by yourself so you keep tv on, you don't like wearing clothes in the house, you love to decorate and entertain......who knew?
5. Date for fun - No need to figure out how he'll work into your future plans, or wonder if you should date him because you may have to move in a few years; don't worry about ANY of that. Just date to have fun and meet new people. And stories to tell later :) And don't wait so late develop your vixen attitude...it will serve you well in your early 20's :)
6. Travel - go visit friends and family and go on girls trips......don't wait so long to discover this pleasure
7. Set goals and plans....don't let life just happen to you. Just because things are going well does not mean that you don't have to take an active part in planning your life. There is so much untapped potential inside of you, it just needs to be developed and honed. Use this time to develop that potential so you can run with it in your 30's
8. Spend time and energy on people and things that matter - this is probably one of those life lessons that you will just have to learn the hard way, but focus your time and energy on people that SHOW that you matter. Stop wasting it on people who won't even text you on your birthday. Focus your energy on things that matter to you; family, friends, volunteer activities......leave all the superficial things that people expect you to participate in alone; it's not meant for you. One of the hardest lessons you will have to learn
9. Ask an expert about life matters.....and they won't always be your parents - just because Daddy did it, doesn't mean it is the best thing for you to do. Ask some more questions about buying a house, having a credit card, leasing vs. financing a car. There may have been special circumstances in Daddy's life that had him make the decisions he did that don't apply to you. You need to establish credit, so you putting items on a credit card will actually HELP you in purchasing your home
10. Embrace fear - you are a pretty calm and positive person, so when you're scared, it's usually because you are being pushed out of your comfort zone. GO FOR IT!!! That's where you learn and grow. Apply for that role, volunteer for that committee, speak up at that meeting......even at a young age, you have a lot of insight to offer and a lot to contribute
Today I want to talk about a conversation I had with the ladies this weekend. The trip was organized by a friend of mine who wanted to take her college-aged niece to NY for her first time and surround her with professional mid thirties to early forties women. At dinner one night, she asked us what would be our one piece of advice we would give to her niece as she embarks upon real womanhood and the adult working world. What things do we wish we would have known then, which is what inspires this blog post today. What advice would I have given 22 yr old Drea Nicole? After careful thought and consideration, here is my list:
1. Never tell your family how much or how little money you make; only leads to problems. From folks wanting to borrow money because "you got it" or folks commenting on the price of things YOU own, or, my all time favorite, folks just expecting you to contribute or do certain things that have NOTHING to do with you, to folks wondering why you paid so much for college only to do this........ The canned responses are "I'm comfortable" "I do alright" or "I can pay all my bills and have a little left over for me" This will save you a lot of uncomfortable conversations in the future. Sidenote: you get everything from Target on SALE
2. A year is a SHORT amount of time, don't worry about wasting it; I know that doesn't sound like you, but at 22 and 23 yrs old, its SOOOO true. And I don't mean to be lazy and unfocused and do NOTHING, but it's ok if you are not sure about something - you can give it a try for a yr. and if it doesn't work out, try something else. Or go on that risky endeavour for a year to see what happens. Do a mission trip if you desire, try acting on Broadway, move to Chicago cause you've always loved it, do it all. These are the things you can do young, because it's a completely different story at 30. And staying in that profession or company that you knew was a wrong fit at age 24, becomes WAAAY more complicated to leave at 33. It can be done, but there's so much more to consider by then
3. You don't know everything, and no one expects you to - you don't have to be perfect the first day on the job, and you don't have to pretend you understand completely when you don't have a clue. Ask questions, admit when you've made a mistake and ask for feedback on how to improve. Even more, you don't have to be combative or loud to prove you are right. Strategically communicate your ideas and evidence and it will be heard. It may take some time, but with consistency and persistence, it WILL be heard
4. Embrace living by yourself - You have no clue who you are yet. You always thought you were neat, turns out you were just considerate. You kept your place neat because you lived with others. You will learn SOOOO much about yourself that you never realized. You are scared to sleep in house by yourself so you keep tv on, you don't like wearing clothes in the house, you love to decorate and entertain......who knew?
5. Date for fun - No need to figure out how he'll work into your future plans, or wonder if you should date him because you may have to move in a few years; don't worry about ANY of that. Just date to have fun and meet new people. And stories to tell later :) And don't wait so late develop your vixen attitude...it will serve you well in your early 20's :)
6. Travel - go visit friends and family and go on girls trips......don't wait so long to discover this pleasure
7. Set goals and plans....don't let life just happen to you. Just because things are going well does not mean that you don't have to take an active part in planning your life. There is so much untapped potential inside of you, it just needs to be developed and honed. Use this time to develop that potential so you can run with it in your 30's
8. Spend time and energy on people and things that matter - this is probably one of those life lessons that you will just have to learn the hard way, but focus your time and energy on people that SHOW that you matter. Stop wasting it on people who won't even text you on your birthday. Focus your energy on things that matter to you; family, friends, volunteer activities......leave all the superficial things that people expect you to participate in alone; it's not meant for you. One of the hardest lessons you will have to learn
9. Ask an expert about life matters.....and they won't always be your parents - just because Daddy did it, doesn't mean it is the best thing for you to do. Ask some more questions about buying a house, having a credit card, leasing vs. financing a car. There may have been special circumstances in Daddy's life that had him make the decisions he did that don't apply to you. You need to establish credit, so you putting items on a credit card will actually HELP you in purchasing your home
10. Embrace fear - you are a pretty calm and positive person, so when you're scared, it's usually because you are being pushed out of your comfort zone. GO FOR IT!!! That's where you learn and grow. Apply for that role, volunteer for that committee, speak up at that meeting......even at a young age, you have a lot of insight to offer and a lot to contribute
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
And if "IF" were a fifth, we'd ALL be Drunk
As I was getting my hair done the other day, I mentioned to my stylist that I would be going to Jamaica soon. He asked who was travelling with me and I told him 3 of my girlfriends :) He asked, "No men? Ya’ll go on a lot of girl's trips, where can a guy take you?" I didn't know how to answer this question.......not because I couldn't think of at least a dozen places I'd like to go with a boo, but because I struggle to see how one has to do with the other. And he is not the first person to share these sentiments; I hear it quite often actually. And not just about my girl trips, but about my purchase of a home, my bougie habits, etc.... The premise being that because I am treating myself now, when a partner enters my life, he won't have anything to add because I've seen and done so much already. (insert confused face here). And my confusion comes because of 2 reasons 1)why couldn't we continue to enjoy and build and encounter new experiences? I mean really, there are sooo many things/experiences that could be enhanced by a partner and sooo many ideas/places I haven't even thought of yet. The least of my concerns is what we will do together or what he can add to my life.........that list is ENORMOUS!!! But also 2)am I supposed to choose a mate to add material things to my life? Or am I supposed to choose a partner who loves, encourages, protects, and provides for me? Because I really don't understand how my trips, house, bougie trinkets affect my accessibility to a partner. I could see if I was boasting about it (side note: which would be ridiculous by the way - not discounting my blessings but it's FAR from the lifestyles of the rich and famous) but I'm just living, as I assume he is as well.
This thinking raises concerns for me because I believe we get caught up in thinking that providing is purely financial. So, he has to provide the house, the trips, the jewelry and cars and such.....and all of that is nice, do not get me wrong, but that ain't all. I used to know a dude who offered (on many occasions) to buy/provide the phone service that transfers your house calls to your cell phone. I TRIED to explain that I did not want that because I had a home office and did not want my work calls going to my personal cell phone. But he NEVER offered to change my light bulb that was clearly out in my house (he alerted me of this fact) even after I explained that I was afraid of the high ladder needed to change it. He was so caught up on ways to provide for me financially (evidenced by his house & car owning tour) that he failed at basic provisions. (side note- I also wondered at what kind of cell phone plan did he have that calling my TN cell phone number was "long distance" for him & why he didn't like to call my cell during the day & preferred the house phone?? was this the okie doke?) This could be a symptom of the gold digger epidemic....are we all taught to look for men to provide $$$ so that becomes our only interest? Hmmmmmm........
But thoughts like this not only affect dating but other aspects of our lives. How often do we put off doing something we want to do now because we are waiting for the "right" time? I'm not going to the beach until I lose 20lbs; I'm not going to see that movie until I have someone to go with: I'm going to wait for a special occasion to use these new plates-LOL; These may all seem like small examples but they point to bigger moves and thoughts in our life. We get that dreaded disease of the "iff-onlies". You know the disease...that nagging voice in your head that sounds a little like a mix of an old Jewish grandmother and a 3 yr. old throwing a tantrum. "if only I were smarter, I would apply for this new role I saw" or "if only I were smaller, I'd go to my reunion" and "if only I were prettier, I'd dress up more often" and the list goes on. Now let's be clear, goal setting is great :) If you want to lose 15 lbs. in time for beach season and reunion, then by all means set it and go for your goal, but don't let something as insignificant as a number on a scale stop you from living your life!! Because it's just going to pass you by while you're waiting on the sidelines. So don't question me as I go on my girl trips, try different classes, do community service, and set financial and health goals.......better yet, go ahead and question it, I'll be too busy DOING to even hear :)
By the way, I'm the person who USES the guest towels and good china :) I very rarely "save" an outfit and think most occasions where people who care for one another get together is special
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Break Babies
Hey Y'all :)...........all three of y'all. LOL! Guess what? I'm back!! I know it's been a while but the inspiration has to hit me to blog and I've just been empty lately. This winter has just been so COLD...just disrespectful. But Spring is trying to peep around the corner and the fever has hit.....I'm ready to write.
Today I want to chat with you about break babies. This topic has been top of mind for me since Dwayne Wade and Ludacris just announced their break babies a few months ago. Let me explain what a break baby is for those of you that may be new to the term. A break baby is the baby that is conceived with another partner when a couple goes on "break". I guess we need to define what "break" is too.......
But to define break is more difficult, at least for me. Generally speaking, if you ask a woman what a break is, she would tell you that it is a time of reflection to decide and evaluate where a relationship is going, etc, etc, etc. (insert confused face here) Now, generally speaking, if you ask a guy what a break is, he would tell you that he is single....PERIOD. It ain't no reflection time, no figuring out feelings, none of that. He is single. So the first issue with taking a "break" from a relationship is that there is a possibility of the parties having a different interpretation of what this break means. Which leads to the second issue: when a girl goes on a "break" or arrives at the end of a relationship, she buys ice cream, calls up her girlfriend(s) and has an emotional catharsis. She is not thinking about other guys...she needs time to heal or time to think or time to do whatever it is that we do. LOL. She just can't handle dealing with another guy until she is sure about her feelings, and has had closure, or tried to reconcile. But it seems to be different for the guy......he's just single. And the biggest advantage to being single is this: he gets to sleep with whomever he wants. PERIOD. So while we're lamenting and crying and being all emotional, he's being single. It's probably been a while since he tried something new. LOL.
So that's how these "break babies" come into play. i.e. Luda and DWade. And while we say what we would and wouldn't do if that happened to us, it really doesn't matter. To each his own. The more interesting spin to me is; what if the woman had a break baby? Would DWade still be around if Gabby turned up pregnant from "break"? Even better still, would Tyrone take me back if he suspected that during our "break" I exercised my single card? And again, I'm generally speaking, but the answer is probably not.
So why go on break? Why do we women feel the need to do this? I think what we are saying is that we need time to figure out if this is really right for us and where do we want this relationship to go, blah, blah, blah. LOL. And I think that time of reflection is healthy and needed. I am a deeply introspective person and have all kinds of random revelations. And I think men do the same, except in a different way. We HAVE to talk about it...they don't. Do you think there is a way we can do this without going on "break"? Has some one ever went on "break" with you and didn't even tell you? I think this happens a LOT......LOL. You know it does......he doesn't call as much, he doesn't spend any prime time with you, the aggravated voice, the broken promises, etc... And this may be a completely different blog topic, but dudes are good for keeping you around, even when they KNOW they aren't feeling you like that anymore. Just no need to get rid of the benefits until something better comes around...anyway, that's another time :)
No grand insight today or words of wisdom or top 10 list, just random thoughts and musings to ponder and discuss amongst friends :) Chat with ya soon!
Today I want to chat with you about break babies. This topic has been top of mind for me since Dwayne Wade and Ludacris just announced their break babies a few months ago. Let me explain what a break baby is for those of you that may be new to the term. A break baby is the baby that is conceived with another partner when a couple goes on "break". I guess we need to define what "break" is too.......
But to define break is more difficult, at least for me. Generally speaking, if you ask a woman what a break is, she would tell you that it is a time of reflection to decide and evaluate where a relationship is going, etc, etc, etc. (insert confused face here) Now, generally speaking, if you ask a guy what a break is, he would tell you that he is single....PERIOD. It ain't no reflection time, no figuring out feelings, none of that. He is single. So the first issue with taking a "break" from a relationship is that there is a possibility of the parties having a different interpretation of what this break means. Which leads to the second issue: when a girl goes on a "break" or arrives at the end of a relationship, she buys ice cream, calls up her girlfriend(s) and has an emotional catharsis. She is not thinking about other guys...she needs time to heal or time to think or time to do whatever it is that we do. LOL. She just can't handle dealing with another guy until she is sure about her feelings, and has had closure, or tried to reconcile. But it seems to be different for the guy......he's just single. And the biggest advantage to being single is this: he gets to sleep with whomever he wants. PERIOD. So while we're lamenting and crying and being all emotional, he's being single. It's probably been a while since he tried something new. LOL.
So that's how these "break babies" come into play. i.e. Luda and DWade. And while we say what we would and wouldn't do if that happened to us, it really doesn't matter. To each his own. The more interesting spin to me is; what if the woman had a break baby? Would DWade still be around if Gabby turned up pregnant from "break"? Even better still, would Tyrone take me back if he suspected that during our "break" I exercised my single card? And again, I'm generally speaking, but the answer is probably not.
So why go on break? Why do we women feel the need to do this? I think what we are saying is that we need time to figure out if this is really right for us and where do we want this relationship to go, blah, blah, blah. LOL. And I think that time of reflection is healthy and needed. I am a deeply introspective person and have all kinds of random revelations. And I think men do the same, except in a different way. We HAVE to talk about it...they don't. Do you think there is a way we can do this without going on "break"? Has some one ever went on "break" with you and didn't even tell you? I think this happens a LOT......LOL. You know it does......he doesn't call as much, he doesn't spend any prime time with you, the aggravated voice, the broken promises, etc... And this may be a completely different blog topic, but dudes are good for keeping you around, even when they KNOW they aren't feeling you like that anymore. Just no need to get rid of the benefits until something better comes around...anyway, that's another time :)
No grand insight today or words of wisdom or top 10 list, just random thoughts and musings to ponder and discuss amongst friends :) Chat with ya soon!
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
It's this one thing.......nevermind, it's actually TEN
Hey Ya'll! I know I know.....it has been a LONG time, I shouldn't have left you :) But the summer has been incredibly busy and I just haven't felt like writing. But that's not to say that I didn't learn anything or have mind blowing revelations, I just didn't know how or wasn't ready to reveal them to you yet. But after seeing Beyonce, Maze & Bobby Rush in concert(not at the same time), getting turnt up at Mam-Maw's 80th birthday party, the Harper Family Reunion and a girlfriends getaway in Charleston, S.C. I have several questions......Of course I have my own opinions, but I want to know what ya'll think too......all 4 of you :) LOL!
1. Is God trying to tell me to take one of these old men up? I mean, what else could it be? Now I have known since age 20 that old men LOVE me, and have come to accept it, but to say it's my destiny.....that's too much. But I believe God is trying to tell me something, and I hope I am not hearing him correctly. Let me explain to you why; I have countless stories of being in situations where the oldest guy in the room will find me and follow me and approach me but it has become more intensified lately. In the past 30 days, my ratio of age appropriate advances to older gentlemen is 0 to 5. 0 to 5. I had a man who sat beside me on the plane tell me he was hoping he would get to sit next to me and that he wishes he could come back to Charlotte and take me out, and that he would drop me off at my hotel in Memphis and that he would drive up and take me golfing. Did I mention he was 62???
2. Have you noticed how guys are very comfortable with asking other guys about girls but girls are careful in asking other girls about guys? Let me explain; A group of people can get together and bring friends and mingle. Guys have no problem with asking another guy at the scene "What's up with ole girl?" "Is that you?" "Know anything about the thick one?" and other questions to find out if it's safe to approach her or just to get a little background info. Where as with ladies, or at least my friends, will never ask about a guy at the scene. Why do you think that is? I believe it's because we think by asking about him we may be starting a competition with another girl, or that some one will take the question out of proportion.
3. Do you ever think that you live in an alternate universe? For example, I don't really think I have haters. If I do, they are really quiet but if I read the trends and posts on IG and FB, haters are at an all time high. And everyone has them. Am I missing something? Same thing with men bashing. I may read the occasional FB post tirade about "ain't no good men" and blah, blah, blah, but it's definitely the minority. But if I listen to some comments, this is all you hear women talk about. Who does this? And side chicks? When did they become the new phenomenon to hate on? Who do you know that purposely became a side chick? I feel the same way about women only looking for men $$, women who constantly gossip and spread rumors about their girls, and abrasive dudes.......I mean I KNOW it happens, I hear to many stories about it but it doesn't seem to be normal in my life or group. ??
4. Is it ok that I don't believe in visiting folks in jail? I mean if it was an immediate family member like mom or dad or child, then I would. But cousins, aunts, uncles, old friends....nah. If you wanted to see me you wouldn't have gotten locked up. I guess I might bend depending on the circumstances....but if it's some foolishness.....see you when you get out!! Am I wrong for this? You have to allocate a WHOLE day to see some one in jail, for only a short visit....chile puh-lease!!
5. Has anyone else had the revelation (it happened within the last yr or so.......believe its one of life's over 30 lessons) that you will not restrain yourself so others won't pre-judge you or feel uncomfortable around you? Now I'm not saying to purposefully make others feel out of place, but I'm DONE with not being authentic because of your stereotypes or insecurities. Yes, I like to eat there, it's one of my favorite restaurants. Never asked you to take me there so don't give me the LOOK when I say I like Del Frisco's and Dresslers. I also like hole in the wall Mexican and seafood spots. But I'm not going to act like I don't know about or enjoy nice spots because you think it's putting on airs. Whatever!! And yes, that's a Kate, or a Tory, or an MK. Again, NEVER asked you to support any of my habits so no need to worry about it. I also am an Old Navy and Francessca's FIEND and visit at least twice a month. So if you want to put a label on me before you even get to know me, that's okay with me now. I'm still going to get to know you on a personal level and treat you with kindness and respect. How you feel about me is on you. LOL! And in the past, the weirdest things would get me "classified"...........that I live in Ballantyne, that I have an MBA, that I'm an AKA. Ok, ok......I understand the AKA part :)
6. Will anyone join SA - Shopaholics Anonymous with me if I charter it? I may have a problem. I LOVE shopping a good sale. If it's over 50% off and at one of my favorite stores, you can be assured I'm at least going to LOOK to see if there's something I like. Now I'm not so bad that I have a shopping debt or not paying bills, but I could very well give more to help people, get aggressive in the stock market, save up for a personal car if "THE MAN" acts up or "the REVOLUTION" comes......
7. Who is taking me to their Homecoming weekend? No, I'm serious, I wanna go. My alma mater XU doesn't have a football team so Homecoming is really for the students and significant anniversaries. I guess I could go to Tennessee's homecoming since I did graduate from there as well, but it's not the same.
8. How many break up speeches did you hear before you actually ended it? And what I mean by break up speeches are the significant moments that you ignored that let you know he or she wasn't the one for you. This has become my new line.......watch out, may have a blog about it soon. LOL
9. Why did ABC feel the need to break down the science of twerking? Really? And why were we so appalled at Miley Cyrus twerking? I was appalled that she had on sagging booty shorts, sounded and looked awful, and completely made a fool of herself.......twerking was just a side effect. Many other artists have twerked on that stage and we have said nary a word. Is it because it's Hannah Montana?
10. Why is being bougie considered by most to be a bad thing? LOL! I say this with comedic intent. I consider myself bougie and wave my flag up high. I like nice things, to stay in nice hotels, to read about the lifestyles of the rich and famous. But I don't think I'm "too good" for anything.
1. Is God trying to tell me to take one of these old men up? I mean, what else could it be? Now I have known since age 20 that old men LOVE me, and have come to accept it, but to say it's my destiny.....that's too much. But I believe God is trying to tell me something, and I hope I am not hearing him correctly. Let me explain to you why; I have countless stories of being in situations where the oldest guy in the room will find me and follow me and approach me but it has become more intensified lately. In the past 30 days, my ratio of age appropriate advances to older gentlemen is 0 to 5. 0 to 5. I had a man who sat beside me on the plane tell me he was hoping he would get to sit next to me and that he wishes he could come back to Charlotte and take me out, and that he would drop me off at my hotel in Memphis and that he would drive up and take me golfing. Did I mention he was 62???
2. Have you noticed how guys are very comfortable with asking other guys about girls but girls are careful in asking other girls about guys? Let me explain; A group of people can get together and bring friends and mingle. Guys have no problem with asking another guy at the scene "What's up with ole girl?" "Is that you?" "Know anything about the thick one?" and other questions to find out if it's safe to approach her or just to get a little background info. Where as with ladies, or at least my friends, will never ask about a guy at the scene. Why do you think that is? I believe it's because we think by asking about him we may be starting a competition with another girl, or that some one will take the question out of proportion.
3. Do you ever think that you live in an alternate universe? For example, I don't really think I have haters. If I do, they are really quiet but if I read the trends and posts on IG and FB, haters are at an all time high. And everyone has them. Am I missing something? Same thing with men bashing. I may read the occasional FB post tirade about "ain't no good men" and blah, blah, blah, but it's definitely the minority. But if I listen to some comments, this is all you hear women talk about. Who does this? And side chicks? When did they become the new phenomenon to hate on? Who do you know that purposely became a side chick? I feel the same way about women only looking for men $$, women who constantly gossip and spread rumors about their girls, and abrasive dudes.......I mean I KNOW it happens, I hear to many stories about it but it doesn't seem to be normal in my life or group. ??
4. Is it ok that I don't believe in visiting folks in jail? I mean if it was an immediate family member like mom or dad or child, then I would. But cousins, aunts, uncles, old friends....nah. If you wanted to see me you wouldn't have gotten locked up. I guess I might bend depending on the circumstances....but if it's some foolishness.....see you when you get out!! Am I wrong for this? You have to allocate a WHOLE day to see some one in jail, for only a short visit....chile puh-lease!!
5. Has anyone else had the revelation (it happened within the last yr or so.......believe its one of life's over 30 lessons) that you will not restrain yourself so others won't pre-judge you or feel uncomfortable around you? Now I'm not saying to purposefully make others feel out of place, but I'm DONE with not being authentic because of your stereotypes or insecurities. Yes, I like to eat there, it's one of my favorite restaurants. Never asked you to take me there so don't give me the LOOK when I say I like Del Frisco's and Dresslers. I also like hole in the wall Mexican and seafood spots. But I'm not going to act like I don't know about or enjoy nice spots because you think it's putting on airs. Whatever!! And yes, that's a Kate, or a Tory, or an MK. Again, NEVER asked you to support any of my habits so no need to worry about it. I also am an Old Navy and Francessca's FIEND and visit at least twice a month. So if you want to put a label on me before you even get to know me, that's okay with me now. I'm still going to get to know you on a personal level and treat you with kindness and respect. How you feel about me is on you. LOL! And in the past, the weirdest things would get me "classified"...........that I live in Ballantyne, that I have an MBA, that I'm an AKA. Ok, ok......I understand the AKA part :)
6. Will anyone join SA - Shopaholics Anonymous with me if I charter it? I may have a problem. I LOVE shopping a good sale. If it's over 50% off and at one of my favorite stores, you can be assured I'm at least going to LOOK to see if there's something I like. Now I'm not so bad that I have a shopping debt or not paying bills, but I could very well give more to help people, get aggressive in the stock market, save up for a personal car if "THE MAN" acts up or "the REVOLUTION" comes......
7. Who is taking me to their Homecoming weekend? No, I'm serious, I wanna go. My alma mater XU doesn't have a football team so Homecoming is really for the students and significant anniversaries. I guess I could go to Tennessee's homecoming since I did graduate from there as well, but it's not the same.
8. How many break up speeches did you hear before you actually ended it? And what I mean by break up speeches are the significant moments that you ignored that let you know he or she wasn't the one for you. This has become my new line.......watch out, may have a blog about it soon. LOL
9. Why did ABC feel the need to break down the science of twerking? Really? And why were we so appalled at Miley Cyrus twerking? I was appalled that she had on sagging booty shorts, sounded and looked awful, and completely made a fool of herself.......twerking was just a side effect. Many other artists have twerked on that stage and we have said nary a word. Is it because it's Hannah Montana?
10. Why is being bougie considered by most to be a bad thing? LOL! I say this with comedic intent. I consider myself bougie and wave my flag up high. I like nice things, to stay in nice hotels, to read about the lifestyles of the rich and famous. But I don't think I'm "too good" for anything.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Girlfriends Talk
Ok....so you know how we ladies are? We can turn a 5 minute occurrence into a 2 hr. conversation.....it's just in our nature, generally speaking. But I wanna bring up a couple of observations, proclamations and questions that were ignited by a conversation I had with a girlfriend recently. Nothing deep or any insightful take aways, just some random musings and my thoughts on a particular subject. Humor me :0
1. If every time we go out, you're on the hunt for a dude, I'm not hanging with you anymore. LOL! I'm all for being open to every opportunity and making yourself available but I can't be with you looking thirsty.....just not a good look. AND, I am a horrible wing girl. I'm half blind so I can't tell if he's looking at you or cute, and I will wander off and run my mouth with any random......*shrug*
2. Yes, I am a girly girl and am all excited that you met a cute dude and ya'll have been talking on the phone, but let's limit this story to the 10 min it deserves and MOVE on. Let me know more after ya'll have been on 3 or more dates. Then we can chit chat.
3. So ok, we want to make sure we're dressed appropriately, I understand that. But the most detail needed is cute top and jeans or after work clothes........you should be able to figure out all the rest. Is it ok to wear a dress? if you want to....what about colored jeans? if you want to..... you wearing sandals or heels? i guess so....... And not to be rude, but I am not a fashionista. The dress code I will give is either casual chic, work clothes, formal or dressy. Now I will offer my opinion on appropriateness, accents and shoes and such, but if we're asking long maxi or short sundress....I mean really? does it matter? We're just going out for dinner and drinks.....
4. So he didn't call back.....Ok, he wasn't interested. I am NOT the one to go into a long detailed convo about all the things it could have been, or what you did or what he did. Not if ya'll were just hanging out. Now, if it was something more serious, then I will definitely give the appropriate shoulder to cry on and encouragement. But if he just stopped calling, he wasn't interested. Let's just say "that punk.....don't know what he's missing. Yeah girl!" and MOVE on. Seriously
5. We're having dinner and the WHOLE conversation is about how you need to lose weight and how good men are hard to find.....I'm not eating with you anymore. LOL! And I'm not saying I can't talk about these things. I'm very girly, I can talk about boys with the best of them, but I have other interests and thoughts so I can't spend the WHOLE time talking about it. I mean, can't we talk about trashy reality T.V.? And PLEASE, don't talk to me about dieting and losing weight. Not in a negative way. If you are telling me about your goal and plan, then I'm with ya! I'm your biggest fan and encouragement. But if you're just going to put yourself down, and talk negative about your body....I CAN'T. More than likely I will turn into Dr. Phil and ask you who made you feel like you were not worthy? Turn it into a couch session. LOL
1. If every time we go out, you're on the hunt for a dude, I'm not hanging with you anymore. LOL! I'm all for being open to every opportunity and making yourself available but I can't be with you looking thirsty.....just not a good look. AND, I am a horrible wing girl. I'm half blind so I can't tell if he's looking at you or cute, and I will wander off and run my mouth with any random......*shrug*
2. Yes, I am a girly girl and am all excited that you met a cute dude and ya'll have been talking on the phone, but let's limit this story to the 10 min it deserves and MOVE on. Let me know more after ya'll have been on 3 or more dates. Then we can chit chat.
3. So ok, we want to make sure we're dressed appropriately, I understand that. But the most detail needed is cute top and jeans or after work clothes........you should be able to figure out all the rest. Is it ok to wear a dress? if you want to....what about colored jeans? if you want to..... you wearing sandals or heels? i guess so....... And not to be rude, but I am not a fashionista. The dress code I will give is either casual chic, work clothes, formal or dressy. Now I will offer my opinion on appropriateness, accents and shoes and such, but if we're asking long maxi or short sundress....I mean really? does it matter? We're just going out for dinner and drinks.....
4. So he didn't call back.....Ok, he wasn't interested. I am NOT the one to go into a long detailed convo about all the things it could have been, or what you did or what he did. Not if ya'll were just hanging out. Now, if it was something more serious, then I will definitely give the appropriate shoulder to cry on and encouragement. But if he just stopped calling, he wasn't interested. Let's just say "that punk.....don't know what he's missing. Yeah girl!" and MOVE on. Seriously
5. We're having dinner and the WHOLE conversation is about how you need to lose weight and how good men are hard to find.....I'm not eating with you anymore. LOL! And I'm not saying I can't talk about these things. I'm very girly, I can talk about boys with the best of them, but I have other interests and thoughts so I can't spend the WHOLE time talking about it. I mean, can't we talk about trashy reality T.V.? And PLEASE, don't talk to me about dieting and losing weight. Not in a negative way. If you are telling me about your goal and plan, then I'm with ya! I'm your biggest fan and encouragement. But if you're just going to put yourself down, and talk negative about your body....I CAN'T. More than likely I will turn into Dr. Phil and ask you who made you feel like you were not worthy? Turn it into a couch session. LOL
Breaking Point
Hey Family : )
I know it has been a while since I have updated but nothing was really speaking to me........There was nothing that I just HAD to write about. I was feeling a bit uninspired. But today it hit me........a subject that has been in draft in my inbox for a while, I just didn't have a clearly laid out plan on how to write about it. That subject is: BREAKING POINT
I am usually a very happy and friendly person.....sometimes a bit to my detriment. I can be extremely patient, don't show anger often and try to play peacemaker in tense situations. It's just my personality. So my friends and family are often surprised and even find it comical when I reach my "breaking point" You know what that is: when you have run out of freaks to give.(please excuse my English) When my patience runs out and my efforts for your well-being and feelings is non existent. Not that I am going to do anything to purposely hurt anyone, but when I am at the point that I'm definitely not going out of my way to help nor will I be concerned if my bluntness hurts your feelings .....my BREAKING POINT.
I have discovered that my breaking point is pretty consistent.......that the same situations cause me angst and cause a change in my naturally jovial personality. Wanna know what they are?? Here they go:
1) Taking advantage - While I realize I have a BIG part in this aspect, I am terribly disappointed and put off when some one takes advantage of my kindness. I say I play a big part because I know that I often put myself out there to be used. I will be the first to sign up to help, offer $$, pay for meals and drinks, get nice presents, etc.... But that doesn't mean that I'm supposed to or have to do these things. And when people purposely manipulate because they KNOW I will, it just irks me. Borrowing money with no intention to pay back, cornering me into favors, and getting attitude when I am offering voluntary service..... Don't you hate that? YOU asked me to help you move, but get mad when I have to leave in 4hrs....or YOU owe me money, but get mad when 2 months later I politely ask you status of repayment. SMH
2) Counting my change - I honestly don't know why this one bothers me so.....need to do some praying on it. LOL. Let me explain what "counting my change" is......so you're at the mall with a buddy and you see some fabulous shoes that you MUST have. Your buddy mentions not once, not twice, but several times that she would not buy those shoes because they're too expensive. So ok, that's fine. But she continuously brings it up at other occasions as well. For example, "well you bought those shoes I know you can afford to loan me $20" or "you bought those shoes so I know you can go with me to this restaurant" etc..... Or, some one notices you carrying a designer handbag and incessantly comments how they would NEVER spend that kind of money on something like that. Basically, because you have expendable income to do one thing, you can and SHOULD have expendable income to do other things that are more important in their eyes. OR, you are foolishly spending your money. People, do NOT count my change. Everyone spends their money in different ways and as long as I am not asking you to support my habit, I don't want to hear a surplus of comments....ok? LOL! But seriously, so if you buy a couple of carton of cigarettes and case of beer a week and I buy a handbag for the year, I'M foolishly spending money?? People spend their money on what they want to spend it on. Some people play lotto, some gamble, some cars, some motorcycles and the list goes on and on.....I think we would all be better off if we just concentrated on our own finances and well-being. And furthermore, not everyone has the same expenses so the budget for luxury items will be different for everyone. IJS
I know it has been a while since I have updated but nothing was really speaking to me........There was nothing that I just HAD to write about. I was feeling a bit uninspired. But today it hit me........a subject that has been in draft in my inbox for a while, I just didn't have a clearly laid out plan on how to write about it. That subject is: BREAKING POINT
I am usually a very happy and friendly person.....sometimes a bit to my detriment. I can be extremely patient, don't show anger often and try to play peacemaker in tense situations. It's just my personality. So my friends and family are often surprised and even find it comical when I reach my "breaking point" You know what that is: when you have run out of freaks to give.(please excuse my English) When my patience runs out and my efforts for your well-being and feelings is non existent. Not that I am going to do anything to purposely hurt anyone, but when I am at the point that I'm definitely not going out of my way to help nor will I be concerned if my bluntness hurts your feelings .....my BREAKING POINT.
I have discovered that my breaking point is pretty consistent.......that the same situations cause me angst and cause a change in my naturally jovial personality. Wanna know what they are?? Here they go:
1) Taking advantage - While I realize I have a BIG part in this aspect, I am terribly disappointed and put off when some one takes advantage of my kindness. I say I play a big part because I know that I often put myself out there to be used. I will be the first to sign up to help, offer $$, pay for meals and drinks, get nice presents, etc.... But that doesn't mean that I'm supposed to or have to do these things. And when people purposely manipulate because they KNOW I will, it just irks me. Borrowing money with no intention to pay back, cornering me into favors, and getting attitude when I am offering voluntary service..... Don't you hate that? YOU asked me to help you move, but get mad when I have to leave in 4hrs....or YOU owe me money, but get mad when 2 months later I politely ask you status of repayment. SMH
2) Counting my change - I honestly don't know why this one bothers me so.....need to do some praying on it. LOL. Let me explain what "counting my change" is......so you're at the mall with a buddy and you see some fabulous shoes that you MUST have. Your buddy mentions not once, not twice, but several times that she would not buy those shoes because they're too expensive. So ok, that's fine. But she continuously brings it up at other occasions as well. For example, "well you bought those shoes I know you can afford to loan me $20" or "you bought those shoes so I know you can go with me to this restaurant" etc..... Or, some one notices you carrying a designer handbag and incessantly comments how they would NEVER spend that kind of money on something like that. Basically, because you have expendable income to do one thing, you can and SHOULD have expendable income to do other things that are more important in their eyes. OR, you are foolishly spending your money. People, do NOT count my change. Everyone spends their money in different ways and as long as I am not asking you to support my habit, I don't want to hear a surplus of comments....ok? LOL! But seriously, so if you buy a couple of carton of cigarettes and case of beer a week and I buy a handbag for the year, I'M foolishly spending money?? People spend their money on what they want to spend it on. Some people play lotto, some gamble, some cars, some motorcycles and the list goes on and on.....I think we would all be better off if we just concentrated on our own finances and well-being. And furthermore, not everyone has the same expenses so the budget for luxury items will be different for everyone. IJS
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