Men Don't do Closure

So today I feel compelled to talk about a topic I know next to nothing about; MEN.  LOL.  But just because I don't know anything about a topic doesn't stop me from giving my opinion based on nothing but what I have concocted in my head.  Word of advice to any single women reading this - don't take my thoughts as any kind of help or advice...I don't know what I'm talking about.  LOL.  But here goes anyway.

There are only 3 things that I know about men 1) For the most part, they don't go shopping just to browse with no intentions.  They have something in mind that they want to buy.  2) When they know what they want,  they buy it.  If they need a new pair of black slacks and they see a pair of black slacks that they like, fit well and are the right price, they buy it.  No need to go looking around for something better.  3) Men don't do closure.  Ever.  When they are done, they are done.

Since these are the only 3 things that I know for sure, I take this little knowledge and apply it to EVERY dealing I have with the opposite sex.  I have nothing else to go on and we all know they don't speak the same language as women, so if they are telling me something different I don't understand it anyway.  LOL.   So what does this mean in relationships & dating??  How does this knowledge help and guide me??   Let me break it down.....

1)For the most part, they don't go shopping just to browse with no intentions.  They have something in mind that they want to buy - when he approaches you he knows what he wants from you; how you respond determines if he puts you back on the shelf, tries you on, or uses you for a different purpose.  Whether he's looking at you for a good time girl, some one he wants to get to know, or one night stand he has a plan in mind before he even asks your name.  So don't be mad at end of  conversation if he doesn't ask for your number, it wasn't going anywhere anyway.  And PLEASE don't offer him a sheet of paper & pen when he doesn't ask for it.....just THIRSTY.

2) When they know what they want,  they buy it.  If they need a new pair of black slacks and they see a pair of black slacks that they like, fit well and are the right price, they buy it.  No need to go looking around for something better - if he does not want to be in a serious relationship, I don't care how wonderful you are, its not happening.  He's not looking for slacks altho you are a really nice black pair.  On the other hand, when he is ready to settle down he looks around him for who can fit the bill and claims her. i know, i know...I hear ya and have heard it all before  "what was so wrong with me, i woulda been with him? what's so special about her over me?'  now, ignoring any crazy issues that you have that she doesn't...nothing.  you are the same.  her timing was just better......which leads me to my final certain truth......

3) Men don't do closure.  Ever.  When they are done, they are done - you will never know what was wrong with you because he won't tell you.  maybe it was your fault, maybe it wasn't.  maybe he was just scared to love you, but I doubt it.  maybe you could have done something differently, maybe not.   the only thing you can do is reflect on the choices and decisions you made and move on....trying to figure him out is just wasting your time, because you're probably wrong.  LOL

Now I know you are asking, has this advice and knowledge helped me in any way with the opposite sex?  no, not really.  LOL.  but it hasn't hurt me either, so that's gotta count for something.  so what compelled me to write about this today?  i heard it on the radio this morning that men don't do closure and I laughed and said hallelujah!!!  THIS is the one truth that women and men are on TOTAL opposite sides of the spectrum.   Personal experience:  I have never had a guy "break up" with me.  I know, that $h*t cray, but its true.  usually become distant and communication slows down and becomes inconsistent.  no big argument, no cheating fiasco, just a funny feeling that things have changed.  so then I stop calling and give them space and before you know it, its been a month and we haven't seen or spoken to each other.  this "closure" thing has never happened.  LOL.

So, the next time you go shopping with your boo thang.....observe his actions : )

Random Thoughts

1.  Why are contacts so expensive?  They are disposable and fragile, should not cost that much.  But wearing glasses ALL the time gets on my nerves.  Glad I have an HSA.

2.  So Dr. Conrad Murray had 7 children by 6 different women, and 4 girlfriends.....whom he started calling at 9:30 AM the day of Michael Jackson's death..... the player game starts that early? 9:30, really??

3.  Who ever thought of burpees, sliders and battle ropes should be shot, even if they are already dead.  i hate those exercises

4.  How are you & your buddy in prison, but you hooking him up with this chic on visitation day? how do you know her?  why is she having a blind date at the prison?  WTH?

5.  Finger waves are out and are never coming back.....hate to tell all these women running around with them still in their hair....its just inappropriate and sad if you are under the age of 65 with finger waves

6.  Gets slightly irritated with natural haired women who criticize us unnaturals.....especially when they have natural hair and unnatural everything else......excessively smoking, excessively dranking, raw dogging with natural hair..

7.  Can not stop laughing at T.O. in them boy shorts underwear...maybe that's why no one came to his workout session

8.  I LOVE the webisodes of awkward black girl........."rap and poetry had a baby named spoken word.  I wish I could abort that baby"

9. Jim Harbough is a THUG...who woulda thunk it?  Carl Thomas is a THUG too...how can you sing R&B love songs and be thuggish ? .....doesn't go together

10.  I'm officially old...went to a house party & they had a fog machine and dimmed lights....I couldn't see a THING...& wanted them to cut music down

When one door closes, another opens. But what do you DO in the hallway?

Whenever you go thru a setback in life, people always say "things will work out for the best", "what's meant to be will be", "gotta go thru a test to get a testimony" and my favorite "when one door closes, another one opens"  And I'm not making light or fun of any of these statements but they all leave something out.  What do you DO in the hallway?  Ok, I can accept that there will be setbacks and such, but as I'm going thru the transition, what do I do to prepare for what's next?  So, you know I developed a Top Ten : ) ; ) : )

1.  Thoroughly clean your house.  It will help de-clutter your mind and give you a sense of clarity
2.  Volunteer to help others.  Helps put things in perspective.
3.  Travel.  Even if its just to a quaint B&B 2 hrs away, go see some place new
4.  Call family/friends you haven't heard from in a while.  Just because : )
5.  Take a class.  computer, language, etc.... Keep your mind sharp and expand skills
6.  Look at yourself naked....may seem weird but start to appreciate everything about YOU
7.  Complete a beauty regimen....be it pedi/mani, facial, shopping, alterations...do something vain for you
8.  Walk...or any other exercise that  you enjoy doing...frees the mind to reflect and plan
9.   Do something BOLD! doesn't have to be jumping out of a plane, maybe it's just going to a concert alone
10. Drink a little wine : )  Just because

Thanks Jan Hill..What do you DO in the Hallway?

To be willing, at any moment, to sacrifice who you are for who you could become

Wow...that's good enough to be said twice...."To be willing, at any moment, to sacrifice who you are for who you could become"  I'm not sure who said that but I LOVE it.  That's a true issue that I have been struggling with lately.  In some areas in my life I feel I have become complacent.  I'm doing activities but not with a clear focus and end goal in mind...and that's not good.  I was talking about this to a friend a while back.  We weren't talking about anything in particular, just shooting the breeze, so I don't really know how we started talking about how I view myself.  I stated, with true sincerity, that I was shy and wasn't a big risk taker.  To that statement he looked at me very confused and started laughing at me.  He laughed even harder when he realized that I was for real.  Then he responded, "You are NOT shy, and you are NOT scared" We went back and forth for a while as I defended my position.   But it was very interesting to hear his view of my personality.  He contended that I was not shy because I smiled and spoke to everybody, went a lot of places and did a lot of things by myself, was always on the dance floor and had a lot of friends. And I was definitely a risk taker because I moved to Charlotte by myself without knowing anyone and quit a job right in the heart of the recession without knowing if another one was lined up.  WOW...that girl does sound bold and outgoing and daring...but that didn't sound like me. 

The truth is, I moved to Charlotte because that's where my job was....I didn't have a choice in the matter.  I guess I could have turned the offer down and stayed home to look for a job, but TRUST me, that was the bigger risk.  LOL!  I smile and speak to everyone because that's how I was raised.  It's not really because I want to strike up a conversation with everyone I meet.  And as far as quitting my job, again there were only 2 options at the time... move to Cincinnati or quit....quitting seemed like the lesser risk.  So outwardly I seem outgoing and appear to be taking life by the horns but that's not what I feel on the inside.  I hate walking into a room full of people I don't know; I'll do things outside of my comfort zone like take swim lessons or run a 5K or two but I wouldn't dare chair a significant committee in my sorority or professionals groups. I HATE when people watch me walk into a room.  How can all this be true and I not be shy? And furthermore, why is my outward perception so different than what I think of myself?

And I have FINALLY figured it out : )  My struggle is with the POTENTIAL of who I am.  Ya'll remember that poem....something about the light.....that we hide our light because we don't want to be different or outshine....is that scripture?  Anyway,  to the outside world I appear normal and confident and within the accepted lines of society.  But I am not normal. What if I would truly let go and utilize the best of me and my talents...could I be so vulnerable to show how emotional I am?  could I actually utilize my skill for public speaking and influence and inform people?  could I really take my listening skills and arm chair psychologist philosophy to counsel others?  Who could I become?

So I urge you to take this journey with me, because I KNOW there are talents you have that can change the world...or at least your community.  We are just too shy to be noticed and too scared to have that responsibility.  But who are you not to be great?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. (Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.)
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson

Wobble Wobble: the women with the thickest thick thighs in the game????

Yep, you read it right. That is the title of an "article" that I just read on some online blog/celebrity magazine publication.  Kind of reminded me, somewhat, of Nelly's response when he was getting a lot of flack about his degradation of women in the "Get your Eagle On" video....I believe that was the song.  You know, the one where he swiped a credit card down a woman's bottom.  Well anyway, Nelly's response was that it was the woman's idea and they all thought it would be funny.  So as I was reading this "article" I kinda felt the same sentiment.  Do we as women find the objectification of our body parts degrading or do we view it as flattering?  Do we act like this because this is the main showcasing of "beauty" for ethnic women?  "Hollywood's" main version of beauty is light, thin, long hair, blonde, etc....Is that why video chicks call themselves "models"?  Because let's be serious, no mainstream designer would call any of those ladies to model.  Sorry, its just the truth.  No insight here today, just posing a question trying to make sense of this paradox of celebrating what is uniquely sexy vs. being viewed as sex object. 
But I do get annoyed with a man who carries on a whole conversation with my chest.  I mean REALLY?  Even when they are all covered up.  Some guys don't even make an attempt to look up.....and then you wonder why I have the stank look on my face....my bad, I digress, this wasn't suppposed to be about me.  Well, yes it is.  This is "Being Drea Nicole" so everything can be about me.  If you don't like it, stop reading.  LOL!
So on to my update, I can now add Charleston to my list of trips this year.  MH and I had a great time.  We ate, shopped, walked and ate some more.  I guess that is why when I took my measurements the other week I got a big surprise :)  so you know my quest to lose 3% body fat this year, well I am happy to report that I am halfway there!  YAY me...but guess what, I have been doing it wrong.  GASP.  Although I am down in body fat, I am up in weight and measurements.  My shoulders are so wide I look like a fullback. LOL!  I literally cant fit any of my winter coats.  WTF?  why the face?  So I talked to personal trainer who told me I was doing it ALL wrong.  He said he knew something was up with me because he had been noticing changes in my physique over the last couple of months but couldn't figure out what I was doing.  So here is his charge: no bread, rice, potato, fruit or pasta after 6:00 PM. What?  How will I survive?  Also, only 1.5 hrs of strength training a week.....all other exercise should be straight cardio.  AND most of my strength training will be focused on moderate weight with more reps.  We'll see how this goes  : )  I am going to Las Vegas with my Mam-Maw, aunts, sis-n-law, niece and cousins at the end of November.  I'm excited about that trip!!  I am also officially hosting my 3rd event at my house this year, our next book club meeting.  We will be discussing "The Hunger Games" by Suzanne Collins.  I think the menu will either consist of foods needed for survival or just do a great salad with various cupcakes and wine!  We'll see....  I am SO excited that football season is here!!  Some girlfriends and I have a ladies only fantasy football league called "Vick in a Box"  We had a GREAT week 1, I am very impressed.  It is a lot of the ladies first time playing and they did well.  I think we should get some t-shirts made and go to a Panthers game or at least go to a bar :)   I'll send them an email, see what they think.  Hmmmmm.

Is it Tyler Perry’s Fault???

I have heard several people say that they do not support Tyler Perry films because it portrays an image of black people as foolish, black men as abusers, and because they all have the same storyline.  While I wholeheartedly agree that the story line in many of his movies is the same, I take away a different sentiment about his work.  While I think Tyler Perry has learned to be a great business man, entrepreneur and even producer through his writing of stage plays and movies, I’ve never thought of him as a great playwright.    He writes the story he knows, and has garnered a huge following.  Why should he change the formula?  Ok, I hear you.  That was fine for his first 2 movies, but now since he has such a mass following, doesn’t he owe it to the community to flip the script? Shouldn’t he write more socially conscious films that paint a more positive picture of the community?  Well, I would argue that he does….In the midst of Madea and the abusive black man, there is always the God fearing man who loves the woman thru her pain and doesn’t believe in sex before marriage, there is always a professional degreed character, and Madea always letting somebody down stay with her rent free.   Somebody always finds God and changes their life.  LOL!  Pretty predictive J  So then he tried to change it up a bit, with “Daddy’s Little Girls” “Why did I get Married” series and my personal favorite “The Family that Preys.”  But ultimately, even in part of those films, he goes back to his old formula.  And I am totally convinced it’s because that’s what he knows to write.  Spike Lee, although he had different story lines, wrote in the same voice thru all of his written films.  I can even see that in the movies that Denzel produced….they have a niche that works for them and they work with it. 

I think the REAL issue with Tyler Perry is that he is the ONLY vision of us that is being shown in the movies.   Hollywood is filled with varying images from gangster to villain to family man to idiot to genius of mainstream America, so one image is not taken as overly offensive or how EVERYONE acts.  I don’t remember too many white people getting upset at “Harold and Kumar go to White Castle”  And that’s because there are sooo many different depictions of them on screen that stoned out teenagers don’t bother them.  So whose fault is that?  Is it Tyler’s?  Or is it our fault for not supporting films such as “The Great Debaters” “Antwone Fisher” and “Rosewood” as we do/did “Boyz in the Hood”  “Baby Boy” and “Diary of a Mad Black Woman”  Now I am not talking negatively about any of these films…I saw and enjoyed them all.  But how do we get varying images of ourselves on the big screen?  We are not a one dimensional people, and I honestly don’t think Tyler has the writing talent to even begin to portray us varied ways.   But he does have the studio and production capabilities….

Just my two cents…….and I write this while watching “Welcome to Death Row”, a documentary about the personalities and rise and fall of Death Row Records

Really Random Thoughts.....

Just a few random thoughts and questions that have come across my mind this week.....

Can I listen to Maybach music in my Ford Fusion?
How thick is too thick?  Is there such a thing?....for some, apparently not
I now understand why my mother drinks a spoonful of apple cider vinegar whenever she eats pork.....from  the roota to the toota is a lot of pig
I am going to stop fighting it, and give in to one of these old men....apparently it's my destiny that I need to accept
When did I become so bougie??  This has to end.....I can hardly afford myself
If you can't drop it off before 10:00 then don't worry about it.....you ain't slick sucka
Although I don't always display it, I am an etiquette expert....need to start a school for young girls.....my mother purchases EVERY update to Miss Manners and others...smh
If I could cut a layer outta my lower stomach, I'd be alright......but I'm not gone eat right to do that, so I guess the layer stays...LOL...rather have cracklin, fries & chocolate & camouflage the stomach
Am I too grown to still get crushes?  Are they my excuse not to get emotionally involved in a relationship? Am I even that deep?  LOL
I went into the wrong profession....home repair is where its at.....