Because I consider myself an armchair psychologist and a cross between Dr. Phil, Iyanla and sometimes Sister Souljah, I love analyzing others and analyzing myself. And as I was preparing for my 2013, I spent a LOT of time in reflection on areas in my life where I wanted to concentrate. I came up with relationships, education and service. After so much tragedy and witnessing a lost generation, I knew I wanted to do more for my community, so I set out an intentional and focused plan on areas where I thought I could be beneficial. That was easy. I also knew that I had future goals for my career and creating sources of supplemental income, so I researched and planned courses and opportunities for me to sharpen my skills in order to have the life I desire. That was also easy.
The real work came in my dealings with relationships. I desire to continue and to grow the friendships I currently have, be more available and present with my family, and to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for a relationship with a life partner. So why is this such hard work for me? Because in order to be purposeful and intentional in improving ME, I have to be honest and truthful in why this area is important and needs work.
It was easy diagnosing why education and service was important and needed work . They just hadn't been focused on for several years as time, other interests and job stabilization got in the way. And as I saw people around me who needed help, I HAD to do something. And now that I am happy and comfortable with my job, I knew it was time to push and challenge myself to greater levels.....to really use my talents in a way that will help me live the life I desire. It was a no brainer. But identifying my breakdown of close relationships was much harder........because it can be painful to look inside.
Here's what I discovered: I love HARD. And when you love that hard and people leave, or change, or you outgrow, or they make bad decisions it is painful to endure. It's like some one stole a little piece of you, and you long for and reminisce about they way it used to be. And many times when you are building these relationships, you get rejected. Your services are not wanted. So under the guise of "minding my business" I haven't always formed the most connected relationships. While I have gotten much better at it from growth and working on other parts of me, I don't make being connected a priority. And when it's all said and done, I want to be known as a good daughter, sister, friend and confidante but I am not doing the WORK it takes to become that. Not in the way I desire to be.....all emotional, all compassionate, and all introspective. So I have decided to instead of letting people know how I feel about them and what they mean to me, to SHOW them. To repair broken relationships, to let broken relationships go, to focus on people who focus on me and stop devoting time and attention to those who don't. And that's a hard task for a people pleaser like me :) But in the short time that I have made this a focused priority, I have gained SOOOOO much more than I have lost.
This lends itself directly to me preparing myself for dating, love, romance and all that other gushy stuff :) So paramount that I will say it again: To repair broken relationships, to let broken relationships go, to focus on people who focus on me and stop devoting time and attention to those who don't.
The real work came in my dealings with relationships. I desire to continue and to grow the friendships I currently have, be more available and present with my family, and to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for a relationship with a life partner. So why is this such hard work for me? Because in order to be purposeful and intentional in improving ME, I have to be honest and truthful in why this area is important and needs work.
It was easy diagnosing why education and service was important and needed work . They just hadn't been focused on for several years as time, other interests and job stabilization got in the way. And as I saw people around me who needed help, I HAD to do something. And now that I am happy and comfortable with my job, I knew it was time to push and challenge myself to greater levels.....to really use my talents in a way that will help me live the life I desire. It was a no brainer. But identifying my breakdown of close relationships was much harder........because it can be painful to look inside.
Here's what I discovered: I love HARD. And when you love that hard and people leave, or change, or you outgrow, or they make bad decisions it is painful to endure. It's like some one stole a little piece of you, and you long for and reminisce about they way it used to be. And many times when you are building these relationships, you get rejected. Your services are not wanted. So under the guise of "minding my business" I haven't always formed the most connected relationships. While I have gotten much better at it from growth and working on other parts of me, I don't make being connected a priority. And when it's all said and done, I want to be known as a good daughter, sister, friend and confidante but I am not doing the WORK it takes to become that. Not in the way I desire to be.....all emotional, all compassionate, and all introspective. So I have decided to instead of letting people know how I feel about them and what they mean to me, to SHOW them. To repair broken relationships, to let broken relationships go, to focus on people who focus on me and stop devoting time and attention to those who don't. And that's a hard task for a people pleaser like me :) But in the short time that I have made this a focused priority, I have gained SOOOOO much more than I have lost.
This lends itself directly to me preparing myself for dating, love, romance and all that other gushy stuff :) So paramount that I will say it again: To repair broken relationships, to let broken relationships go, to focus on people who focus on me and stop devoting time and attention to those who don't.
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