Choppa Style

OOOOOWWWWW! oh yeah! OOOOOWWWWW!!  oh yeah! OOOOOWWWWW!!  oh yeah! OOOOOWWWWW!! oh yeah!

Who they want??
Choppa Style Chop Chop Choppa Style Choppa Style Chop Chop
She want chop chop She want chop chop She want chop chop She love chop chop

This could be described as my theme song a few weeks ago : )  I had a mini mid-life crisis that had me making changes.  Remember me talking about "I am not my hair"?  Well that revelation was put to the test!!!  At the end of June, I attended my family reunion and saw a cousin of mine who had recently undergone chemotherapy.  And she was telling the family about how her sisters spent some time bonding over the holidays and tried to help her keep her hair.  This made me think.......I know her sisters couldn't give a rat's hind parts if she had a strand of hair on her head or not, they just wanted her to get well and be in good health.  So the "act" of trying to save her hair was not for them, it was for everyone else.   My sister in law also went thru chemotherapy treatments last year and the family sent her hats. 

I can't imagine the looks she got as she walked around town with a bald head, the judgement she must have felt, the self consciousness that must have permeated her, all while she was battling a major illness.  While there are some outfits that women wear BOLDLY and don't give a damn what anyone thinks about it.  How can I have that confidence, that self assurance, that boldness?  Why am I so self conscious about menial things and why do I care?  Now, don't get me wrong, I want to be appropriate and in good taste but other's perception of me should not affect my thoughts and confidence of myself.  Because just like my cousins sister's, it won't matter to those who love, care and have my best intentions at heart. 

So, wanting to be bold and daring and out of my comfort zone, I got a FADE. Cut all my hair off, well almost all.  Shaved on the sides with a little on the top.  To see if I can still be ME.  And you know what, I LOVE it.  Its easier to mange, but harder to style.  It decides what it wants to do every morning.  Now I know there are PLENTY of women who have short hairstyles and all kinds of do's, but I was raised as a "side part under".  Your hair needs to be straight, chin to shoulder length, with a part on the side.  That your hair is your "crown of glory"  What does that even mean? And who made these rules???  Some old white man waaaaaaayyyyy back in the day.  How dare he tell me how to be?  LOL

Essence

Have you ever heard that song "Pieces of Me" by Ledisi......that is one of my jams right now!!  One line of the chorus goes "like every woman I know, I'm complicated fo sho"  I absolutely love that line....it speaks volumes.  Especially for me, because I know I can be a complicated person.  I'm super emotional, an open book but at the same time very private, introspective, very outgoing in many situations while extremely shy in others, did I mention introspective, big crier, big laugher, very country, very professional, have I said I'm introspective, quite girly, quite physically active, messy while a cleaning freak, will never tell you I'm upset until I have analyzed and figured out why, value family and family values, can be unintentionally inconsiderate, can have the time of my life eating or dancing & singing or reading a book, don't know if I've said introspective, hate that I get self conscious and will go to extremes to fight it, speak to everyone, am an old man magnet, still get crushes, so used to living alone that I need quiet time daily,  lazy about putting up clothes, hate to see people hurt or in pain, have to turn the TV on when I sleep in house alone, am an awful flirter, sometimes miss the obvious, goal oriented while at the same time comfortable, still seeking passion "but when I love I LOVE til there's no love no more.  These are the pieces of me"

By the way, went to Essence Festival and had a BLAST!!!!  Top performers in my opinion were New Edition, Mary J. Blige, Charlie Wilson and Kanye West.  Must do event....