And if "IF" were a fifth, we'd ALL be Drunk

As I was getting my hair done the other day, I mentioned to my stylist that I would be going to Jamaica soon. He asked who was travelling with me and I told him 3 of my girlfriends :) He asked, "No men? Ya’ll go on a lot of girl's trips, where can a guy take you?" I didn't know how to answer this question.......not because I couldn't think of at least a dozen places I'd like to go with a boo, but because I struggle to see how one has to do with the other. And he is not the first person to share these sentiments; I hear it quite often actually. And not just about my girl trips, but about my purchase of a home, my bougie habits, etc.... The premise being that because I am treating myself now, when a partner enters my life, he won't have anything to add because I've seen and done so much already. (insert confused face here). And my confusion comes because of 2 reasons 1)why couldn't we continue to enjoy and build and encounter new experiences? I mean really, there are sooo many things/experiences that could be enhanced by a partner and sooo many ideas/places I haven't even thought of yet. The least of my concerns is what we will do together or what he can add to my life.........that list is ENORMOUS!!! But also 2)am I supposed to choose a mate to add material things to my life? Or am I supposed to choose a partner who loves, encourages, protects, and provides for me? Because I really don't understand how my trips, house, bougie trinkets affect my accessibility to a partner. I could see if I was boasting about it (side note: which would be ridiculous by the way - not discounting my blessings but it's FAR from the lifestyles of the rich and famous) but I'm just living, as I assume he is as well. This thinking raises concerns for me because I believe we get caught up in thinking that providing is purely financial. So, he has to provide the house, the trips, the jewelry and cars and such.....and all of that is nice, do not get me wrong, but that ain't all. I used to know a dude who offered (on many occasions) to buy/provide the phone service that transfers your house calls to your cell phone. I TRIED to explain that I did not want that because I had a home office and did not want my work calls going to my personal cell phone. But he NEVER offered to change my light bulb that was clearly out in my house (he alerted me of this fact) even after I explained that I was afraid of the high ladder needed to change it. He was so caught up on ways to provide for me financially (evidenced by his house & car owning tour) that he failed at basic provisions. (side note- I also wondered at what kind of cell phone plan did he have that calling my TN cell phone number was "long distance" for him & why he didn't like to call my cell during the day & preferred the house phone?? was this the okie doke?) This could be a symptom of the gold digger epidemic....are we all taught to look for men to provide $$$ so that becomes our only interest? Hmmmmmm........ But thoughts like this not only affect dating but other aspects of our lives. How often do we put off doing something we want to do now because we are waiting for the "right" time? I'm not going to the beach until I lose 20lbs; I'm not going to see that movie until I have someone to go with: I'm going to wait for a special occasion to use these new plates-LOL; These may all seem like small examples but they point to bigger moves and thoughts in our life. We get that dreaded disease of the "iff-onlies". You know the disease...that nagging voice in your head that sounds a little like a mix of an old Jewish grandmother and a 3 yr. old throwing a tantrum. "if only I were smarter, I would apply for this new role I saw" or "if only I were smaller, I'd go to my reunion" and "if only I were prettier, I'd dress up more often" and the list goes on. Now let's be clear, goal setting is great :) If you want to lose 15 lbs. in time for beach season and reunion, then by all means set it and go for your goal, but don't let something as insignificant as a number on a scale stop you from living your life!! Because it's just going to pass you by while you're waiting on the sidelines. So don't question me as I go on my girl trips, try different classes, do community service, and set financial and health goals.......better yet, go ahead and question it, I'll be too busy DOING to even hear :) By the way, I'm the person who USES the guest towels and good china :) I very rarely "save" an outfit and think most occasions where people who care for one another get together is special

Break Babies

Hey Y'all :)...........all three of y'all. LOL! Guess what? I'm back!! I know it's been a while but the inspiration has to hit me to blog and I've just been empty lately. This winter has just been so COLD...just disrespectful. But Spring is trying to peep around the corner and the fever has hit.....I'm ready to write.

Today I want to chat with you about break babies. This topic has been top of mind for me since Dwayne Wade and Ludacris just announced their break babies a few months ago. Let me explain what a break baby is for those of you that may be new to the term. A break baby is the baby that is conceived with another partner when a couple goes on "break". I guess we need to define what "break" is too.......

But to define break is more difficult, at least for me. Generally speaking, if you ask a woman what a break is, she would tell you that it is a time of reflection to decide and evaluate where a relationship is going, etc, etc, etc. (insert confused face here) Now, generally speaking, if you ask a guy what a break is, he would tell you that he is single....PERIOD. It ain't no reflection time, no figuring out feelings, none of that. He is single. So the first issue with taking a "break" from a relationship is that there is a possibility of the parties having a different interpretation of what this break means. Which leads to the second issue: when a girl goes on a "break" or arrives at the end of a relationship, she buys ice cream, calls up her girlfriend(s) and has an emotional catharsis. She is not thinking about other guys...she needs time to heal or time to think or time to do whatever it is that we do. LOL. She just can't handle dealing with another guy until she is sure about her feelings, and has had closure, or tried to reconcile. But it seems to be different for the guy......he's just single. And the biggest advantage to being single is this: he gets to sleep with whomever he wants. PERIOD. So while we're lamenting and crying and being all emotional, he's being single. It's probably been a while since he tried something new. LOL.

So that's how these "break babies" come into play. i.e. Luda and DWade. And while we say what we would and wouldn't do if that happened to us, it really doesn't matter. To each his own. The more interesting spin to me is; what if the woman had a break baby? Would DWade still be around if Gabby turned up pregnant from "break"? Even better still, would Tyrone take me back if he suspected that during our "break" I exercised my single card? And again, I'm generally speaking, but the answer is probably not.

So why go on break? Why do we women feel the need to do this? I think what we are saying is that we need time to figure out if this is really right for us and where do we want this relationship to go, blah, blah, blah. LOL. And I think that time of reflection is healthy and needed. I am a deeply introspective person and have all kinds of random revelations. And I think men do the same, except in a different way. We HAVE to talk about it...they don't. Do you think there is a way we can do this without going on "break"? Has some one ever went on "break" with you and didn't even tell you? I think this happens a LOT......LOL. You know it does......he doesn't call as much, he doesn't spend any prime time with you, the aggravated voice, the broken promises, etc... And this may be a completely different blog topic, but dudes are good for keeping you around, even when they KNOW they aren't feeling you like that anymore. Just no need to get rid of the benefits until something better comes around...anyway, that's another time :)

No grand insight today or words of wisdom or top 10 list, just random thoughts and musings to ponder and discuss amongst friends :) Chat with ya soon!