I changed schools in the 5th grade. My elementary school was forced to close its doors because of the rising costs to keep it in operation, so several classmates and I went to an elementary school several miles up the road. Let me be clear, we INTEGRATED this school. There were some AA students, but when we enrolled in the year 1990, we more than doubled the AA population. I made new friends pretty easily and quickly adapted to my new school with ease. So did the rest of my classmates. Until this time, I had only been in school with other students that looked like me and came from my neighborhood, but quickly learned the benefit of being exposed to different people from all walks of life. Great learning experience. But the biggest lesson I learned that sticks with me today is the concept of FAMILY.
I grew up with a large family. My household wasn't large, but I considered more than the people who lived with me to be my immediate family. I had 2 parents and a brother who lived in the same residence, but I had another brother, an aunt, my grandmother and grandfather, another aunt and 2 cousins who lived elsewhere whom I included in my immediate family number. The summers and weekends were spent at both of my grandmother's houses where I visited aunts and uncles and tons of cousins. I even had play cousins, cousins of cousins, people I called aunt and uncle who weren't any kind of kin to me, and friends of family. (By the way...does any other race have "play cousins?" I mean I know the concept exists, but does anyone else call them "play cousins?") But what I learned was that not everyone viewed family the same way I did. A lot of people considered family members in the household, grandmother and grandfather and possibly an aunt or uncle or two to be family. That's it. That was a completely foreign concept to me. Maybe that's why they had less drama...haha!
But even now, as I am growing older, the concept of family continues to change. Since I live 10 hrs from my hometown, I don't get to see my family very often. Christmas, any big family events and summer break are the only times I get to see them. So my definition and concept of family now includes friends and their kids. And that's all good. I believe how we are raised determines our concept of family and current situations cause us to examine or re-define that concept. And neither is right or wrong, its just how it is.
However, there are some definitions/principle about family that I hold steadfast........I understand these may not the case for the majority of people, but I can't operate any other way :)
- No such thing as "half" sister or brother......we are whole people so I'm going to claim all of you
- Step kids are your kids too....each case has to be determined what role and influence you play, but that's YOUR family too, and should be treated and loved as such
- Regardless of whether your kids live with you full time or not, they must have a "spot" in your house; if you have a 3 bedroom house and 2 are guest rooms and no "spot" for your child, then SHAME on you (esp if they live in same city)
- Once you're in the family, always family. Might not be together or as close anymore, but the title of "family" still remains
- Past kids and parents, the pre-fix of step goes out the window......step-niece, step-grandmother, step cousin etc.......just too much. You're family, no need for the step title
