My mother was the primary parent in my life. She was the one who taught me the standard life principles & values.........made sure that homework was done, that I was properly dressed and fed, primary disciplinarian and made the ultimate decisions if I could or could not participate in something. I remember being dragged to meetings, her office and countless banquets and receptions with her at an early age. I could read her moods and predict how she would act and what she would say in certain situations. Still like that today. And what makes it worse is that more and more I now find myself acting like her. AUGHHHHH!!!!!! By the way, I am a TRUE Daddy's girl : ) I spent less time with my Daddy but he has shaped much more of my life values and personality than any other influence in my life. Hands down I spent twice as much time with my mother but my Daddy had the biggest influence.....how does that happen? How is that possible?
And I think it has a LOT to do with the relationship between him and my mother. Here are a few examples, factoids, and interesting quirks about me that I have discovered are directly linked to this
1.I cringe and get an attitude when men raise their voice at me. I'm working on it but I get the stank face when a man hollers at me. Why? Because I don't ever remember him raising his voice at me or my mother. He was seldom angry, but when he was, he said his piece and that was that. I know they had their disagreements, but no shouting. On several occasions he told me I was too much trouble with an irritated tone....but that was it. Now a woman can fuss at me all day long and it doesn't even faze me. LOL
2. I don't argue. I completely shut down and won't say anything rather than argue. I'll voice what I think and then I'm done. And that's usually after I have had time to process it. Or I'll hold how I'm feeling inside and walk away rather than getting into an argument. Why? My Daddy never did it in our household. I wasn't allowed to argue (or have an opinion LOL) with my mother and my Daddy just didn't fight. He used silence...and for some reason, that was worse to us than a shouting match.
3. I'm bougie. I like to stay at nice hotels, eat good food, and am willing to pay a premium on some items that I desire. I'm not putting down the Red Roof Inn or anyone who stays there, but I'd rather save to stay in a hotel where you have to enter the rooms from the lobby. Why? My Daddy demanded this for my mother. Before they met, she shopped at regional generic stores. After the wedding she shopped at boutiques. Not because there was anything wrong with the regional stores, but because he desired better. He was big on being exposed to nice things. He always said you could get some of what you wanted with patience and discipline. I remember every year he would take me to help him pick out the outfit and jewelry he was going to give her for Christmas. He made sure it was nice every year.
4. I'm empathetic. I have a tender heart and am very empathetic especially to those close to me. I cry at commercials, songs, movies, books, life, etc... If some one around me is crying, be it happy or sad, you can bet I will join in soon. Why? My Daddy was very sensitive to moods. If my mother wasn't happy about something, you better believe EVERYBODY was going to work to fix it. Might not have anything to do with what was going on at home but he would be determined to bring it to a close. Or just do something nice to make her feel better.
5. LOVE is an action. In relationships, I don't necessarily look for the touchy feely emotional words, but I crave the actions. Why? My Daddy wasn't openly expressive with words or real gushy with affection, but his love for my mother was clear. He came home every night. He answered all her phone calls...on the job, off the job...didn't matter. She always got the new car (hehe). He only said no to her on 2 real reasonable wants - a dog and a pond. All others were either yes or let me work on it. He wrote most of the speeches she had to give for her organization....even though he worked avg 10hrs a day and would be tired when he got home. If it was special to her, it was special to him. He could care less about Valentine's Day, but he always got us a little something : ). He didn't attend Alcorn State University but he purchased season tickets to the football games, went to the Alumni weekends and receptions, and was a part of the booster club because it was important to my mother.
