To be willing, at any moment, to sacrifice who you are for who you could become

Wow...that's good enough to be said twice...."To be willing, at any moment, to sacrifice who you are for who you could become"  I'm not sure who said that but I LOVE it.  That's a true issue that I have been struggling with lately.  In some areas in my life I feel I have become complacent.  I'm doing activities but not with a clear focus and end goal in mind...and that's not good.  I was talking about this to a friend a while back.  We weren't talking about anything in particular, just shooting the breeze, so I don't really know how we started talking about how I view myself.  I stated, with true sincerity, that I was shy and wasn't a big risk taker.  To that statement he looked at me very confused and started laughing at me.  He laughed even harder when he realized that I was for real.  Then he responded, "You are NOT shy, and you are NOT scared" We went back and forth for a while as I defended my position.   But it was very interesting to hear his view of my personality.  He contended that I was not shy because I smiled and spoke to everybody, went a lot of places and did a lot of things by myself, was always on the dance floor and had a lot of friends. And I was definitely a risk taker because I moved to Charlotte by myself without knowing anyone and quit a job right in the heart of the recession without knowing if another one was lined up.  WOW...that girl does sound bold and outgoing and daring...but that didn't sound like me. 

The truth is, I moved to Charlotte because that's where my job was....I didn't have a choice in the matter.  I guess I could have turned the offer down and stayed home to look for a job, but TRUST me, that was the bigger risk.  LOL!  I smile and speak to everyone because that's how I was raised.  It's not really because I want to strike up a conversation with everyone I meet.  And as far as quitting my job, again there were only 2 options at the time... move to Cincinnati or quit....quitting seemed like the lesser risk.  So outwardly I seem outgoing and appear to be taking life by the horns but that's not what I feel on the inside.  I hate walking into a room full of people I don't know; I'll do things outside of my comfort zone like take swim lessons or run a 5K or two but I wouldn't dare chair a significant committee in my sorority or professionals groups. I HATE when people watch me walk into a room.  How can all this be true and I not be shy? And furthermore, why is my outward perception so different than what I think of myself?

And I have FINALLY figured it out : )  My struggle is with the POTENTIAL of who I am.  Ya'll remember that poem....something about the light.....that we hide our light because we don't want to be different or outshine....is that scripture?  Anyway,  to the outside world I appear normal and confident and within the accepted lines of society.  But I am not normal. What if I would truly let go and utilize the best of me and my talents...could I be so vulnerable to show how emotional I am?  could I actually utilize my skill for public speaking and influence and inform people?  could I really take my listening skills and arm chair psychologist philosophy to counsel others?  Who could I become?

So I urge you to take this journey with me, because I KNOW there are talents you have that can change the world...or at least your community.  We are just too shy to be noticed and too scared to have that responsibility.  But who are you not to be great?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. (Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.)
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson