I read an article online earlier about the 8 thing women don't do anymore. It contained things like cooking, cleaning, fixing his plate, giving compliments, etc... And the comments from the men were all in agreement. Talking about the quality of the women today and how we need to be focused on those things and getting back to the old fashioned standards, back to the traditional responsibilities and attributes. Usually, these type of articles and comments don't bother me. I mean, it's an article written based on some one's life experiences or opinions or whatever and should be read for entertainment or educational purposes. If it applies to you and you want to change it, fine. If it doesn't apply to you, move on and be fine. It's just an article. But this particular one touched me in a weird way.
As background, I will give a little peek into how I was raised. My father was the breadwinner in my family, although my mother worked for a number of years. But my mother ran the household; paid the bills, cooked everyday, made my father's plate, washed and ironed his clothes, cleaned the house, EVERYTHING. My dad didn't even know where the iron was because he never had to iron a shirt. She was that traditional wife that the article talked about. So I understand the guys talking about wanting this kind of woman as a wife. Hell, I do too. LOL. But there is an underlying piece....my Daddy. As I mentioned before, he was the breadwinner. My mother worked, when she did, because she chose to, not because she had to. There were several years where she did not work : ). My father spoiled my mother....and I mean spoiled. The only thing he ever really said no to her about was a pond and a dog. Everything else was, let me work on it. Her dream house: done. Her Cadillac: done. Her wardrobe: banging.
So in my traditional value mindset, that's how it works. Of course you take care of your husband. You make sure he looks good, has something on his stomach, make sure he has a nice clean place to come home to and represent him well in public. YES!!! That needs to happen. In return, your husband protects and provides for you in a loving way. So I agree with the article, women should "return" to this traditional mindset. But here is what got me with the article, it didn't really explore the reasons WHY this change in culture had occurred or how men seek these qualities in women.
Here are a few reasons why I think this has occurred.....key word being THINK.........LOL
1. Fatherless daughters - there are a good number of women who didn't grow up with both father and mother in the household. They didn't constantly see an interaction between a man and woman in love. So the "training" for how to treat your husband was not there. In even worse cases, there was never a constant male figure in their life to positively look up to in a relationship with their mother.
2. Women in workforce/Income potential - women work just as many hours and contribute the same amount of income to the household as men do now. So the time devoted and energy to household chores has been cut. Because those traditions have changed and responsibility has been shared, it has become natural to anticipate that the household duties become shared as well. Sidenote: kids are much more busy today than we were so after going to the job working more than 40 hrs. a week, transporting kids to and fro, there just isn't the time in the day to cook and clean before the man gets home.
3. Play Marriage/No Title - we are entering "situationships" more and more so women are constantly confused as to the "privileges" the man gets.....sticky situations. Why should she cook, clean and dote on him when he's not showing they have a future together.....why not save that energy and effort for some one else???
4. Overly Metro-sexual men - the traditional expectation/perception of the man/husband is strong, hard-working, handy, not afraid to get his hands dirty, etc....we have a traditional "want" from our men as well. We want some one to cut the grass, take out the garbage, take care of the car and fix stuff in the house. But there have been an influx of men who don't value these traditions. They don't feel a need to take care of the woman in this way. There also have been an influx of men who are into fashion, beauty care treatments, and looking good as much as women. Not saying that there is anything wrong with a man taking pride in his appearance, but it honestly puts more pressure on the woman. The typical man notices when she puts effort into looking good, but the truly metro-sexual man will notice if she doesn't have the cutest shoes on, or hair isn't quite laid, or not all the way put together. So since he's not the traditional man, she doesn't feel she has to be the traditional woman.
5. Men don't have to Seek - outer appearance is understandably the first attraction a man has towards a woman......is he attracted to what he sees? Then comes all the intangibles. But the game has changed. It has become ok for women to approach and pursue men.....quite different from the traditional woman we hear about. And if she's a pretty and nice girl, sure...why not? He already knows she like him, so the fear of rejection isn't there. And who wouldn't be flattered by an attractive girl approaching you? The only issue is, the self selecting was done for him. He didn't seek out his ideal woman, one was appointed to him. So the skills, context clues, etc. of finding and attracting the "traditional" woman has not been done. I'm not saying a woman that approaches a man is not going to cook and clean and dote, but she's probably far from the traditional. And it's nothing wrong with that. He just can't blame a non traditional woman for not having traditional values.
We just have to be cognizant of a simple fact: You REALLY can't want your cake, eat it too AND expect not to gain weight or have to work out. There HAS to be some compromise and work put in, or it won't balance. From my perspective, if he wants that traditional woman who does the 8 things from the list, he has to bring some value to the table as well........for the right man, a LOT of non-traditional women will do some traditional things : ) I have seen it numerous times. So just because she doesn't start off a certain way, talk sweet to her, get her car washed and tires checked, send her a thinking of you text and watch how she whips up that favorite meal : )
And just because you were wondering, I love to cook but don't do it everyday, Find it difficult to just cook for me. Never felt a strong desire to consistently cook for a man, but it's something I'm committed to working on. I'm a clean person, but messy. As in, kitchen and bathroom will be sparkling but clothes will be strewn on bed. But Molly Maid keeps a mean house and is the best $90 a month I spend : ) I don't curse very much at all, I work out at least a couple of times every week, I like to dress up but also have a slum side......sometimes I just can't get it together. I think I'm just ok with the compliments - could definitely acknowledge more. I'm pretty good with anticipating needs and am super thoughtful.
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