I have been "trying" to lose 10 lbs for 3 years now. 10 lbs, that's always the magical number. For background I have always been a small girl. OK, I was SKIN-TY. Stayed that way thru high school and college. Barely broke 100 lbs. But I was not healthy. I'm not saying because I was small I wasn't healthy. I'm actually not 100% sure that the 2 were related. But I was stayed sick starting at around age 16 and didn't know why. I started suffering from terrible migraines. I was always tired. Walking around the neighborhood was a challenge for me. My cycles were highly irregular. I couldn't get enough sleep. It became so bad that often times my headaches wouldn't stop until I vomited. I was at my worst point health wise after I graduated from Xavier University. I decided then to tell a doctor about it to determine what was wrong with me. Although all my normal check ups stated I was fine, I knew this was not normal. After explaining my symptoms to my doctor, she was able to quickly identify my issue. Long story short, my hormones were all out of control and I was not making them any better by my everyday actions. No excercise, skipping meals, not taking vitamins etc... So, I started walking, taking birth control and started EATING. That's right EATING. Certain amount of carbs, protein and vitamins essential to my health. Within days I started to feel better. Since then I RARELY have unexplained headaches, let alone migraines anymore. I was feeling great. My skin started to glow. I played girls flag football. I tried all different kinds of foods like sushi, Carribbean food, all the good stuff. Life was lovely. I had never felt so good. UNTIL.....that's right UNTIL. Until I went home and family looked at me like I was as large as the Goodyear blimp. It made me self conscious. Because in my mind, I looked fine. Sure I had gained some weight but I wasn't aware how much. I never weighed myself, didn't own a scale. What was all this fuss about? When I returned to Charlotte I purchased a scale at the Target on Rea Rd and it read that I weighed 135 lbs. GASP! Obviously that was too large for a 25 yr old 5'4" woman. Right? It must be cause my folks couldn't stop talking about it. I couldn't let this happen. I had to get help. I had to lose 10 lbs.....IMMEDIATELY!! So I signed up for Jenny Craig. Because true, my eating habits were a mess!! I didn't cook, ate out a lot, and consumed a lot of calories by what I drank. But Jenny Craig didn't really work for me (at the time, it has now since drastically changed) because it did not allow my set standard of protein each day. Regardless of my weight, I knew I wanted to stay on the path my doctor had set for me, just cut out the non essentials. I tried a couple of other fad diets that I didn't stick to or didn't work. After that I just convinced myself that my family was just shocked at the "new" me. They didn't mean that I was too heavy, just that they were not used to seeing me that size. I got over it and went on about my merry way. UNTIL...yep, UNTIL. Until it was time for my 10 yr high school reunion. Wow, 10 yrs I had to be right for that. In my mind, I needed to lose 10 lbs and then I would be a brick house, YEAH. So I enlisted the help of a trainer, who I will affectionately call Trainer B. I told him my goal and he just looked at me. Didn't give me a time line when I would get there, didn't tell me to cut any food out or anything of the sort. He just said ok. For the next 6 months I worked out with Trainer B 2 to 3 times weekly for 30 minutes. I couldn't believe the progress I was making. I felt WONDERFUL!! I had so much energy, had gained so much confidence. I was truly coming out of my shell. I still wasn't looking at the scale, my eating habits were better, but still not good. At the end of the 6 months right before my reunion, I asked "Hey, we haven't measured or taken my weight. Where is my progress?" Because I KNEW I had lost those 10 lbs. Had to. Before we did, he asked me did I notice any changes or had anyone else noticed. YES. Some one I casually knew sent me an email saying he saw me in the gym and I was looking good, keep doing what I was doing. Several ladies asked me what exercises did I do for my arms without me even saying I worked out. But most of all, my ENERGY and STRENGTH. I was a beast!! Then came the moment of truth, the scale. 145!!! WTF?? How could this be? I GAINED weight. Did I really just gain 10 lbs? I was a big mixed bag of emotions. But then, he took my measurements. ALL WERE DOWN (that needed to be :) my waistline, my body fat %, my shoulders, all were down. I was confused. How could this be but I gained 10 lbs? Something must be wrong with me....those damn hormones again. But I accepted it and went on to my reunion and had a blast!! I didn't work out with Trainer B anymore, how could he know what he was doing? I gained 10 lbs......which means I didn't work out at all. NOTHING. And I started to feel it. I was anxious, tired, ill feeling and my clothes weren't fitting anymore. Oh NO! So I called him back up and said I need to get back on the program. My goal this time was to be strong and small. YOu know, lose 10lbs, 26 waist, low body fat.....YEAH, you know brickhouse. My 30th bday was approaching. I had to be ready. And as I was making a list of the 30 things I've learned by 30, something hit me. A HUGE revelation. It almost took my breath away. Here it is:
At some point in my life, I was super fine- but I didn't realize it LOL Now I will tell myself everyday that I am super fine - cuz obviously I don't know when it happens
I had been chasing this mythical 10 lbs. And what's so ironic is that 10 lbs ago, I was chasing 10 lbs. Would it ever stop? So, 135 lbs was too big? 145 was too big? What is the right weight? Did I need to lose 10 or 20? I realized that I will always be chasing this dream of body perfection. When I look at the mirror or the scale, I will always focus on what is wrong vs. what is right. If I just had a six pack, if my booty didn't droop, if I didn't have so much girth......and if if was a fifth, we'd all be drunk. When the truth is, yes there are things I can improve about my body, but my major improvement needed to be with my body image. I started re-inventing how I look at myself;
My body is strong. My body is healthy. I have a great smile, makes even the crazy people wanna talk to me. I naturally have breasts that people pay good money for. My shoulders and upper arms are ridiculously toned when I flex. I think I am a super cute height for a girl. My body is strong. My body is healthy. I am not at high or moderate risk for blood pressure, diabetes, obesity, cholesterol, etc. My skin auto corrects itself fairly quickly. I have very soft skin, especially on and under my shoulders and arms. My body is strong. My body is healthy.
So am I still trying to lose weight? Yes and no. I strength train 2 to 3 times a week with trainer B, I run/walk occasionally, I take Zumba class 1 to 2 times a week, I try to swim in the summer. I am working on giving my body the things it needs to work well, like nutritious foods and water and rest. But I do not and will not diet. I still eat dessert. I still have a glass of wine with the girls. I just do these things in moderation and try to get better everyday. If this equates to 10 lbs, GREAT! But I know doing what is best for my body and my health will always lead to me being S.E.X.I.
strong exactly as intended
sassy exactly as intended
smart exactly as intended
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